While recently repacking some boxes, I found another mostly forgotten journal/diary from some time ago.
I got it at a flea market in my mid-teens. Good, solid and unused, but with a bizarre handmade cover that wasn’t entirely green, nor entirely purple, rather a random patchy mixing / matching and merging of the two.
Perhaps it was someones ‘failed’ experiment at ink blending , using salt and other things, in the manner of watercolours.
It was without a doubt, one of the most horrifically ugly things I had ever seen, and I loved it instantly.
I bought it on the spot, and it was at the time, one of my favourite journals ever.
I called it my Greeple Diary ( GREEn/purPLE merged, obviously), (ok, so even back then I was no archetype of originality).
In the end, it was sadly under utilised, as I was reluctant to just fill it with mind-leak like my normal others.
There are however, a respectable number of poems in it over a range from mid to late teens perhaps even an odd addition from within the chaos that scattered my life a short time later.
I can’t say they are either my best pieces, still fairly naive, I was more comfortable with simplicity, yet neither are they my worst, especially in that light.
I read the following quote from part of a Tori Amos interview:
“I don’t think “negative emotions” is an accurate phrase.
Emotions are emotions. We can’t look at them as positive or negative, they are what they are. And they are your reality.
All you have on your plate is your reality. You decide whether you look at your reality or live pretending these feelings don’t exist.” -Tori Amos
Strangely similar yet so different from now, they were stilll my emotions and thoughts from that time. My reality.
And is very often the case, I agree with Tori..
They are what they, and to deny or avoid them is to deny or avoid that part of my life.
It’s kind of stupid if I do that because they may not have been perfect, for neither was/is my life.
So I will post.. most/some.. of them here over the next week(s) or so. As always, it’s your choice if you decide to menatlly ingest any of them.
I hope you.. if not necessary enjoy.. at least find something in some of them (and all/anything here) that leaves you somehow different to how you were before you started reading.