Morning

Sunlight smiled,
Dressed the dawn
In splendour, added
Highlights to her hair.
Spread her gown across the land,
Became the day.

Why bother?

Jump on in.
Did you think this time
You would finally swim?

Sink on down.
Just like the last time,
You’re going to drown.

The sea’s too wide.
You know you can’t make it,
You’ve already tried.

Run and hide.
One day you’ll realise
You’ve already died.

A little everything..

I’m only a bit of a failure,
But failure is failure you see,
The way any size hole is a hole,
The way that I’m always me.

And I’m only a little messed up,
The way rain is a little bit wet,
And I’m only a little bit better,
But I’m not very better yet.

A little bit broken is broken,
How long is a piece of string?
A little bit crazy is crazy, and
I’m a little bit everything.

New Day

Morning finds me seated
Upon the stair in soft repose,
And so remain unmoving
To bide the time from whence I rose,
There to await the days’ fickle pleasure.

Today is..(still)

Today is still an ocean,
Depression, Sirens’ song.
Although I’m holding to the mast,
I’ve never been that strong.

My strength is fading quickly,
My grip is growing weak,
All the crew just stand aside
And watch me, super-freak.

Always feeling like an outcast
Makes me wonder why I struggle.
So much for my ocean,
I think I’m drowning in a puddle.

Falling Apart..

I wake up every morning,
And I get up just because.
Each time, I am something less
Than something that I was.

My fingers’, cut and bleeding
From picking off the floor,
Tiny broken splinters
Of what I was before.

Days of endless madness
Hardly knowing what I do.
Sudden chills of horror
When I realize what is true.

My mind is like the construct
The poet Yeats foretold:
‘Things fall apart;
the centre cannot hold’.

Got a feeling..

I am not myself, several times a day,
If you’ve never felt like this,
You may think that’s ok.
But I’ve got a feeling,
This will never change.
How many times in a day
Can sanity rearrange?
Because I’ve got a feeling,
It’s too much to take.
There’s only so many times it bends
Before the willow breaks.

Abstract #1

The fall of darkness finds
Everyone judged, sleeping in sheets
Of dishonest dreams and cool disdain.
You said you drew night nearer
Because it’s that dark endless piece,
The one from the edge of the world,
Beyond where sanity lies.

Empty Chairs

I have too many empty chairs,
Empty coffee cups,
Endless stares.
The aching feeling no one cares,
Just empty hallways, empty stairs.

There are too many empty places,
Vacant spots
Where there should be faces,
Nothing but the faintest traces,
Faded postcards, old suitcases.

No one calling on the phone,
No one asking
If I’m home.
Just an endless dial tone

Missing

=

The universe is out my window,
The stars all shine and the moon hangs low,
And I wonder where the parts of me go,
When I’m not myself, the self I know.

When I’m busy being someone different,
Parts of me wonder where parts of me went,
Where was myself for the time that I spent
No longer at home, not paying the rent?

So while myself was out to play,
I sat and idled my time away,
Where I went I cannot say,
I hope I had a pleasant day.

And now myself is home again,
I’ve been here since who knows when,
Where will I be in the end?
If I find out, I’ll tell you then.

Almost Out..

I attempted to be strong,
And though pain can make you stronger,
Strength fades in the end,
And I simply can’t pretend
Any longer.

We hide from ourselves
As best we may,
And I always thought I could,
Until my trees became my wood,
And I lost my way.

I’m lost and afraid,
And it hurts not to show,
But as hard as I try
I can’t see the sky,
And there’s nowhere for me to go.

It’s ironic, in the end,
That I should be the one,
Thinking I was stronger,
Who just ran so much longer,
When there was nowhere left to run.

Today is..

Today is an ocean,
Declared freshly formed
By the clocks’ relentless rotation,
Yet already I drown.
Dragged under by possibilities.
Some already lost,
Others to be found,
All of them are heavy,
And this ship is going down.

Small and Alone : introduction

Tonight is a bad night.

Sick with the certainty that the stars are going out, and that my life will never be anything more than broken and empty, I feel small.

Small and alone.

Though somehow I feel even smaller on the inside.

Cliches pour through my mind like so much teenage chatter on a bus, and I want to scream at them to ‘like, shut up, like’.

It’s freezing, freezing, freezing, yet in nothing but a t-shirt I burn as if possessed with a fatal fever, both hot and cold.

In the corner of my eyes, or maybe just the corner of my mind, the laughter of shadows dance and disappear.

Infinitely tired, but I will not sleep.
Exhausted and spent, yet I pace and fidget, twitch and move constantly in restless indignation.

How such a large and empty house can press so closely upon me, to push in upon my mind, yet echo endlessly with unsettling sounds, escapes my understanding.

So strange to wish for nothing but tears, yet neither will I cry.

Every misery, imagined and remembered, plays endlessly on repeat on the iMax of my mental cinema.
A solo screening.
No popcorn.