Slow Learner

I tore myself into tiny pieces for you.
So many different fragments,
I no longer knew which were me or what to do.

That was my choice, that was on me,
I never asked for anything returned,
But you just stood and smiled as I burned and burned, and burned.

I put up with so very much I found so very hard,
Never protested the abuse. Neglect. Misuse.
…until I saw your disregard.

You destroyed me once before,
And I still said I’d be there if you called.
And when you did, I dropped my life, and gave you it all.

I gave you our first time blindly, a germinating seed.
A second despite your note of things no-one should ever read.

So why do I feel so empty , knowing I have to say
There’s not enough left of me now
For your third chance to make me bleed that way.

Where do we go, from here?

My thoughts ring out like gunshots,
I feel the wounds within,
The warmth inside me bleeds away,
My soul is wearing thin.

I’m standing here in darkness,
Staring straight into the sun.
My heart unable to decide if
I’m ending or just begun.

The choice keeps getting colder.
Do I end here or begin?
Because before I get much older,
I might end up giving in.