‘Sometimes it’s like someone took a knife, baby Edgy and dull and cut a six inch valley Through the middle of my soul*. At night I wake up with the sheets soaking wet And a freight train running through the middle of my head..’
-I’m On Fire / Bruce Springsteen
*original lyric says ‘skull’. Tori Amos cover says, ‘soul’. Prefer Tori Ver.
‘He said, “I see you now, and you are so very young, But I’ve seen more battles lost than I have battles won, And I’ve got this intuition, says it’s all for your fun. And now will you tell me why?”
Well the young queen, she fixed him with an arrogant eye. She said, “You won’t understand, and you may as well not try” But her face was a child’s, and he thought she would cry, But she closed herself up like a fan.
And she said, “I have swallowed a secret burning thread. It cuts me inside, and often I’ve bled”.’
– from ‘The Queen and The Soldier‘ by Suzanne Vega
Some quotes on depression from two of my favourite authors, and pretty much how I feel right now.
” In every way that counted, I was dead. Inside somewhere maybe I was screaming and weeping and howling like an animal, but that was another person deep inside, another person who had no access to the lips and face and mouth and head, so on the surface I just shrugged and smile and kept moving. If I could have physically passed away, just let it all go, like that, without doing anything, stepped out of life as easily as walking through a door I would have done. But I was going to sleep at night and waking in the morning, disappointed to be there and resigned to existence.”. ― Neil Gaiman
“Depression is the most unpleasant thing I have ever experienced. . . . It is that absence of being able to envisage that you will ever be cheerful again. The absence of hope. That very deadened feeling, which is so very different from feeling sad. Sad hurts but it’s a healthy feeling. It is a necessary thing to feel. Depression is very different.”. ― J.K. Rowling
“The problem with suicide, when you talk about suicide, most of the people I’ve experienced say: ‘well, it doesn’t do any good, most of the people that talk about suicide just do it for attention’. If that’s you, you can just eat all the dicks, then vomit them up, and then go fuck yourself with all those dicks.”
“You can’t physically escape your sadness. Your sadness is inside of you. To escape, you need to give your brain something to play with for a while until you can approach the issue with a healthier frame of mind.”
“The worst thing you can do when suffering from anxiety is to do a “relaxing” thing that just enables your mind to dwell and obsess more on the thing that’s bothering you”.