punishment?

Please explain my existence,
Society, and it’s distance,
That only ever amplifies this
Self imposed resistance.
Decorating pillows with tears,
My armor but a quilt,
Alone, confused, helpless,
Masturbation and guilt.
I must have murdered an angel
In a previous life, now I atone,
Endlessly tortured and punished,
My brain is not my own,
Just constant echoes of darkness,
Alone, Alone, Alone.

Religiosity..Pass.

As children we were taught
That god in heaven thought
We all should drown.

Everyone should drown?
Well listen to that sound:
That’s me drowning now.

Later they would tell
Of heaven and of hell.
How to find The Right Gate.

Well they’re far too late,
Maybe you can’t tell
But I already found hell.
I didn’t need to wait.

As for gods’ only son
Dying for our sinning..
I may not have been sinning,
But baby, this is me beginning.